Some of you may not know how I qualified for both 2013 and 2014 Boston Marathons, so I’ll start there. In 2011, after an attempt to qualify at Marathon to Marathon in October, I failed. However, I FINALLY broke the 4:00 mark and ran a 3:58. As crazy as it sounds, for me, that was the best thing that could have happened. I have been running 4:00 marathons since the beginning, but never seeing a 3 at the beginning. Once I broke it, I felt a new sense of why I was still trying to qualify. Luckily, I met Gary Anderson and in just 8 short weeks, I got a 25 minute Personal Record at the crazy cold and wet White Rock Marathon in 2011. My time was only 1:30 faster than my qualifying time so I wasn’t positive I would get in. So, I kept training for the next marathon that would happen at Steamtown in October 2012. I found out in September of 2012 that I got into Boston 2013, but I figured with all the training, I should go ahead and try again. I did. This time 2:30 minutes faster than my qualifying time. I was pretty sure I was secure for 2014 also.
After my first trip to Boston in 2013 to run my first Boston Marathon and vacation for a week afterwards, my normal world went on when I got home. You see, I chose to ignore what happened. I think I just made myself believe I wasn’t part of something so horrible. As a matter of fast, for one year and a week, I didn’t read or even listen to anything that had to do with the bombings, the families or the city. I didn’t even talk to my friend Gail (who vacationed with me afterwards) about it once we returned home. I didn’t look at the pictures after I posted them to Facebook while still in Boston. Nothing.
Fast forward to the week of the 2014 Boston Marathon. I started getting emails from friends of stories from the anniversary of the bombings. People telling me they were thinking about me. The week before the race, I was sitting at the Ford Dealership getting my car serviced and saw a Sports Illustrated magazine with a Boston Marathon cover. I picked it up and started reading. I wasn’t sure that I really wanted to go much further than that article though.
The weekend before the race came and I started packing and headed to the airport that Saturday. I realized something wasn’t quite right when TSA 
took my peanut butter away and I started crying. I started crying, yet again, at the gate when the attendant took my suitcase saying it was too large to fit in the overhead bin. This time uncontrollably. I realized that maybe I’d never let myself deal with 2013. The final straw was when I got to Boston, took at taxi to the same hotel I stayed at in 2013, and walked into the lobby. All of the emotions, the phone calls, the texts, the fear, and the rage came rushing back.
That night, I went back to the emails my friends had sent and started reading and looking at the pictures from 2013. How the city came together for such a tragic event unfolded right in front of me. All of the sudden, I felt privileged to be there again. I was adamant about going to the finish line super early Sunday morning to get pictures and deal with my emotions. Luckily I have good friends that got up at 5:30 and went down there with me. It was really good for me.
Race day started out great! I ran with the first timer, Jamye, so I was able to show her how to do race day morning just right. Only because I was shown in 2013 by a very nice man from California. He was so nice to let me tag along. I wanted to be able to share that with someone else and I did.
Jamye and I ran the entire race together. There were several notable things. 1) The crowd support was unbelievable…I felt like a professional runner the entire race.
2) We saw Rick and Dick Hoyt running their very last Boston Marathon!
3) About mile 14, 4 helicopters flew over and that fear came rushing back. I still don’t know what that was all about.
4) At mile 18, I saw a sign that read, “Run for you, finish for them.” Out of the all of the signs, why that one?! Breakdown number 1 happened and I even made Jamye cry on that one.
5) Close to the finish line where the 2nd bomb went off, I saw a runner veer over to the left and kneel down as if he was praying. Breakdown number 2 occurred and continued through my finish.
6) Even with all of the emotions and people, Jamye still qualified for Boston 2015!
It was a grand experience and I’m so glad I went back to get my closure. On Tuesday, we visited the museum in the Boston Public Library with the exhibit from the 2013 Marathon. That was emotional too but I felt different that day. Like I accepted that I was part of it and it’s okay.
